09dec2013 - Monday

I thank God because...

He has blessed me with a wonderful day of music learning and music making despite that I'm slightly ill (flu & fever). And even when I lapsed into sadness in some parts of this day, I go to sleep in God's love and warm embrace. 

And no matter what happens tomorrow, I know God is watching over me. And refining me bit by bit, for His glory.

Goodnight!

08dec2013 - Sunday

I thank God because...

He has blessed me with a dear sister R. For through all these 19 years, we have come a long way from just being classmates at the back of the classroom, to playing Mariah Carey's Hero in music class together, doing a biology research project (and getting into bad books with TSC as a result), drifting apart during junior college days, throwing her out of my Stirling Road apartment in anger, to sharing the deepest desires and frustrations in our lives as God's children. 

Fact is, R knows me in and out. And among all my gfs, she has gone through a hell lot with me. She's travelled with me, she's gone canyoning with me, she's hand-glided with me, she's cycled on the swiss highways with me, she's quarrelled with me, she's patched up with me, she's got thrown out of a house by me, she's cried with me, she's rejoiced with me, and she has chilled out with me. R is special. A very special friend that God has blessed me with. 

And today, I so proud of her - she delivered a sound and clear sermon on Isaiah chapter 36-38. And her message touched me. For it reminded me that what we really need is God. Sometimes I forget that. Actually I'd admit that I forget that way too often. I clamour not for God but for a man who is Godly, thinking that would ease my insecurities and loneliness. But would it? God who is so holy and all-knowing - would He not know what best to provide for me for the glory of His kingdom? If he wanted to, He would. Like in Isaiah, he sends an angel and 185,000 dies overnight in the enemy's camp. What could be impossible for a God who has created the cosmics and breathed life into us? And when God so bless us, would I forget his blessings and providence, and attribute my success to my mortal effort?

Perhaps these past weeks have unveiled themselves this way such that I would once again draw my water from the everlasting spring of life, to quench this thirst that has choked my heart again and again. 

To trust and obey.
To wait in faith.
To focus on Him.

To love God first.
This I will do.

11sep2013 - Wednesday

I thank God because...

When I Iose control of things, God is in control. 
When I feel unloved, God loves me.
When I panic, God is already working things out for me.
When I feel alone, God is with me.

I couldn't sleep last night because of some shitty nasty text I got. 4am. I spent four long hours in the dead of the night, rolling around, getting a drink, changing the ac temperature, reading the bible, praying, and more rolling around... only to add to my endless frustration. 

Never used to get such nights... and I wonder why I have them nowadays. Is it because the stakes are higher now that i'm older? But what stakes do I have if I am letting God play the game? Or am I not letting God play this game of life for me?

Father, take my worries away from me.  Fill me with peace that transcends all understanding.  Soothe me. Surround me with your angels. 

Grant me that little mustard of faith, please?

28aug2013 Wednesday

I thank God because...

Although I played shit in the rehearsals today, I was still blessed with a good time with N & his friends at Rubato. It is such great joy sharing music with friends and even strangers!

I also give thanks to God for staying so calm when I talked to K tonight. Lord, help me to accept the glaring facts and situation. Lord, help me to want nothing but You. Lord, help me to focus on You. Lord, teach me to pray for my future husband, wherever he may be. Lord, search my troubled and lonely heart and fill me with your goodness and love. 

Lord, teach me to count my blessings and want nothing more. 
Please.
My heart's desires are endless.
Please help me to trust in your providence.
Please.

24aug2013 - Saturday

A week passes so quickly you don't even realise it.
This is us. This is me.
Hustle bustle.
Running around.
Getting busy.
Being busy.
Always busy.
There is always something to do, someone to meet, something to plan, something to think.

For goodness sake, slow down.
Take a moment.
Take a breather.
Take a pause.

Think about God.
Ponder on His love.
Give thanks for His mercy.
Be grateful for His blessings.
Be humbled by His discipline.

I give thanks to God....

For the salvation that has been granted to me. I did not work for this. I did not take an exam for this. Nothing in this world could help me qualify or obtain this salvation. No amount of money, worldly fame or glory could move me an inch closer to God for I am born sinful.

For the reminder that I do not praise or exclaim God in order to get things from God. Lord, teach me and remind me that my heart and voice seeks and worships you because I love you, because I want to be obedient, because I want to find out Your will for my life. I commit my plans, my fears, my thanksgiving. I pray for others. I pray for myself. I pray about desires. But Lord, you provide what is necessary. You will provide what will contribute to Your plan. Lord, help me to accept and be grateful for your providence. Not to ask for more, but to ask how more can I do for You.

19aug2013 - Monday

I thank God because...

H got her landlady situation resolved... I finally decided on buying the C6 piano... and we have confirmed the flat at Holland V. Three blessings in one day. We are so blessed. Lord, you are so gracious.

How can I even ask for more? 

18aug2013 Sunday

I thank God because...

In the midst of feeling lost, I find inside the sinful me to turn to you oh Lord. Because you perfectly comprehend my innermost desires. Because you see my longing for a companion, for a meaningful strong & protective relationship and yet You will do what is best for me, according to Your will and Your time. Because only Your love would comfort me when I feel most alone.

Because You loved me first.